i'm lovestucked and i can't get out.

But, this is getting on my nerves. It's so hot and stuffy here in SG, that my mood,is on the rise. DO NOT CROSS ME.

So life in Brisbane is DAMN boring.
I pretty much have nothing to do.
And to top that, there's someone from my lab that thinks the whole world owes him everything.
He scolds everyone of us.
To use our brains and sometimes he would tell us things like:
"Last time, people didn't tell me how to do or what to do, I learn by myself."
Seriously, I hate most of my time in the lab because of him.
Always telling us to keep quiet and if we have nth to do in the lab, Get out.
Seriously, he's just a bloody PhD STUDENT.
If I was actually working in the lab, and getting paid, and if my grades didn't matter I would have gave him a piece of my mind a LONG time ago.
He's existence irritates the shit out of me.
Can't stand his stupid black face.
I swear he's making me racist against HIS KIND.
I want to kill him.
oh wells.
peace out.

Stop thinking and start studying Diane! Stupid piece of shit.. Removed all my photos with you, because I want nth to remind me of you.. You've moved on, so must I.. Just forget everything, stop brooding abt everything Diane, if ppl don't care, you shdn't care as well, I've put in my side of the bargain.. You didn't, so now.. :)

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What would you do if that guy's first mistake was to bring home a girl and let her stay at his place for the night and he made her fall for him?
What would you do if that guy gets upset because when your male friend msgs you, he thinks they're taking advantage?
What would you do if that guy doesn't say but expects you not to msg your male friends?
What would you do if that guy expects that of you but secretly msgs his female friends behind your back?
What would you do if that guy doesn't say the word "sayang" for more than a month just because one of your male friends said that to you?
What would you do if that guy almost broke up with you more than once because he didn't like what your male friend msged you?
What would you do if that guy claims he msges a female friend, to get his friend and her together, but then after meeting his friend you realize that wasn't the case?
What would you do if that guy knows you are uncomfortable with him msging that certain female friend mentioned just above because he met her through a friend from a club, but still msgs her anyway and claims you're "being nice and thinking too much"?
What would you do if that guy msges her, despite ALL that was said, with lots of care and concern when she said she wasn't feeling well? (Well if by now he doesn't get that when a girl RANDOMLY msges you things, it means they want your freaking attention and you gladly gave it to them)
For example why would a girl suddenly for no reason msg a guy that it is raining or that she feels sick and he msges her back "Got see doc? Drink more water and take care of yourself" and he msges you exactly the same thing when you weren't feeling well (you're just the same as any other girl..)
What would you do if that guy knows you don't like him hanging out with a particular girl, because you're somewhat jealous of their relationship, but attends a birthday celebration without you knowing, overnight, and in a pub and his reason was, I just decided to go last min
What would you do if that guy  claims he loves only you, but says "Love you" to the girl stated just above?
What would you do if that guy has a sec sch friend who msges him, calling him her soulmate and ends of the msg with "Love you"?
What would you do if that guy says he'll change and that you should give him time to prove himself, but this isn't the first time he's said it and the fact that it wasn't the first goes to show he still hasn't changed?
What would you do if that guy tells you straight to your face that until that day he msged her "Love you", he felt that he was still young and that this may not be the right time to settle down yet and wanted to find other girls to have fun, and that maybe the whole year together with him, was all but just a lie?
What would you do if you were already so pissed, and when you went to his fb profile, you see a random social interview question by a girl which goes "Who does _______________ like?" and she replies "ME:D" because she doesn't know he's attached?
What would you do if you decided to read all his birthday wishes, only to find even MORE things you didn't like?
For example "asking girls to treat him food AKA by doing that is asking the girls out? =.=", "telling a girl that when he see her smile and keep giggling, it will confirm make his birthday and enjoyable one" or when he claims everyone he adds on fb is his sec sch friend, and one fine day you see a comment that comes at a wrong time "thanks for adding:)" which you know only dumbfucks who add girls they don't know will have that kind of comments.
But that wasn't enough, it now becomes that you are causing the problem because you keep bringing up the issue, that this relationship is between the both of you, but, you can't let go of the fact that his "Love you" to his female friends is not the same as the I love you he says to you.
And that other people DO NOT HAVE to know he's attached to show that he loves you.
And that now he's worried you are msging other guys.
And that he claims he will do what it takes to win you back but when you reply him without enthusiasm, he complains.
That you're not giving him a chance.
So tell me how?
How to solve this situation?
Tell me how now brown cow?
I'm so frustrated that I really do not want to give him a third chance, but some how.
I always feel, that maybe, things will change.
But I know that's not always the case.
I should know better..
Right?

I need a break, give me a break..

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I feel an onset of depression happening again..
Maybe it's due to school work or maybe it's other things..
I just don't understand why..
Why I have to feel this way..
Why can't I be happier..
Why is my happiness always short-lived..
I'm quite tired of alot of things going through my mind..
I just hope this will stop before something happens..

Someone once ask me why I'm still with you..
I answered because you nvr fail to make me smile..
Now when I come to think of it..
You nvr fail to make me cry as well..
SIGH.

 Would you believe me if I said I wanted to spend the rest of my waking days just being with you?
Would you believe me if I said that even through all I went through, I still love you?
Would you not let others come in between us?
It'll be your 19th birthday soon. :D
Hubby.
I.
Love.
You.

Even though my 1 year with you has been unstable, I know, you're one person who never fails to make me smile when I cry. :)

Ages.. Since I posted something.. How to say this? But all that's left is heartache and silence.. Bcuz to you I'm always in the wrong and you're always right until I do things you do and you get angry..
Been listening to this song,
According to you~
Awesome song..
I wished I had that him she was singing abt though..
Cuz at least then, maybe someone would still want me..
But no one would, if they know my secret..
No one would ever take me and love me..
No one can forgive me, bcuz I can't even forgive myself..
It still bugs me..
Everytime I think abt it..
What would've happen if it nvr happened..
How different my life would be now..
I want to go back time to change the inevitable..
There's so many mistakes I could've avoided..
Meeting all those stupid fellas..
Breaking my heart time and time again..
Always hoping this would be the one only to find out..
Maybe I'm the problem.. Isn't it.. Since I'm the one who's always on the losing end..
Maybe there's something wrong with me..

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Let bygones be bygones:) but let bitches be bitches, cause they won't change.. :D I learn to live with lies, secrecy and deceipt.. I've come to know truth, doesn't really matter, people only hear why they wanna hear and ppl only think what they wanna think.. So of the world should come to a compromise, we shd all tell lies and let ppl think what they want..
Spending the whole day alone doesn't seem so lonely anymore.. Maybe the fact that I've gotten used to it, that makes it feel much better.. No need to cling on.. But I still love you anyways.. It's just in a more freedom kind of way..

I saw this phrase somewhere, what's the use when you have the freedom to love someone, but at the same time they have to freedom not to love you back..

I realise, it takes two to work things out, if someone reaches out their hand to you, it's your decision whether to hold it or not.. I know I have the freedom to choose, and I chose you.. I hope what we have, what ever troubles and misunderstandings, we will put it aside and love each other unconditionally..

Because you, are the one I wanna be with..

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I think I've got depression of some sort.. It can't be normal.. Crying every night if you treat me so coldly, doing your own things and not concentrating on me.. I'm going beserk.. I really don't know how to handle situations.. All I can do is cry and beat myself up abt it, but I know nth will change.. It's all abt effort.. I don't know how much I've put in, but it seems like to me, it's just gonna be the same..

I hate this.

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